WWDC KeyNote Leaked

Amalgamated Press – CUPERTINO, CA

High-ranking anonymous sources within Apple are confirming today the major theme of this year’s WWDC keynote speech will be the company’s change in direction from a computer manufacturer to a toy company.

Analysts have speculated since the release of Apple’s iPad that this was the direction the company was headed.  The keynote speech will serve to confirm the news to loyal fans and shareholders.  A new line of products are to be rolled out and demonstrated by Jobs himself at the WWDC, including the long-awaited “iGlasses”.  According to reports, users will be able to wear these glasses to see through to the bones in their hand.  Said one Apple employee weepily, “it’s magical!”

Among other announcements will be the release of a new OSX version planned for Q3.  Tentatively named Swamp Donkey, Jobs is prepared to announce the complete merger of OSX and the iPhone OS.  New features will include the exclusion of all Flash and Java runtimes.  In fact, users will be pleased to learn that all Adobe products have been black-listed from the new OS.  Users will have to jailbreak their MacBooks in order to read a PDF or run Photoshop.  All graphical development for Apple products must occur in Gimp from this point on.

Hail dear leader!

Friday, May 28, 2010